The three marriages most of will face, hopefully, they will be with the same people. Here they are with survival tips…
For the majority, this is what we think about as a traditional marriage. It is the first of our three marriages. We are young, single, perhaps no kids and we find the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. If you are married you know that first year of marriage can be rough. If you aren’t married yet, have not doubt, adjusting to your new life as one can be rough.
This will be your first marriage. Determine how you will decide on the little things that shape the way your family will operate for the coming years.
Kids; Nothing will throw off your marriage like kids. The two of you are no longer the only members of your family. I still believe you should be the center, but it will look differently than it did in your “First marriage”. I say that your relationship should be the center because if you aren’t intentional about maintaining your relationship with your spouse your may not make it to the last of your three marriages.
Of course I know that some people have marriage one and two at the same time and God bless you, I have no idea how you make it work. I have asked for a friend, who has a great marriage like this, to write something on that but haven’t heard back from him yet.
I have seen many strong marriages completely fall apart when the kids leave the house. Parents suddenly look at one another and realize they are more than parents. This may be the toughest of the three marriages because of the many transitions happening at once. Of course, I am speaking to this only from an outside perspective. My wife and I are in our second marriage and have years before we hit this phase.
What other obstacles or tips do you have for these various marriages?
Recently, my wife and I have been slacking off on our money talk. I am the money nerd in our family so I track most of the data and I wanted to get back on track with keeping her in the loop.
It is easy to get sloppy with money. I am guilty of using more money than I should to by special treats for my family. Having a consistent money talk with my wife keeps me accountable. I know I will have to talk to her about those little treats. It makes me think twice and helps to keep us directed toward our goals. It isn’t that I am hiding bad things but those little treats are working against our goals.
It is easy to put the budget on cruise control. But, things can get out of line easily. Having the money talk will make sure you and your spouse are on the same page. It makes sure that the goals you set at one time are still the goals want to be pursuing. It gives you the opportunity to review and change those goals should the need arise.
This one was a big one for us most recently. I felt like I had let my family down by making some minor mistakes with the budget. We have a pretty complicated system and it is hard to manage sometime. Having the money talk was hard for me because it required me to admit I had made the mistakes and seek my wife’s forgiveness. It was tough on my pride, but it brought us together as a couple
Bottom line the more you talk about money the smoother it will go if you both are walking in grace.
Do you have any tips on how to have this conversation?
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