It was a while ago that I wrote “Please Give me my Idol“, an article where I talked about my personal idolatry in seeking a new job. Well, I had been seeking a new position for almost a year when God dropped two offers in my lap almost at the same time. It made me stress more than I have in my life, as I tried to use my own wisdom to make the decision instead of trusting in the Lord, because that is how I roll.
I essentially got the raise and promotion I had wanted, which is a blessing, but I have been wrestling with my own sinfulness in the process. How much do I rely on myself and my abilities instead of relying on God. How much of my career ambitions are sinful in nature as opposed to simply wanting to work hard and represent the Lord well. I understand that well paid or not I should be satisfied in the Lord; it is just really hard to do.
When I first started to talk about my job search, almost a year or more ago, I was discussing it at community group. Talking through why I wanted a new job and more money. I said when it comes to my career I really only wanted to go one more step. I feel that if I pursue my career further it will be too difficult to maintain a work/life balance that is important to my families well being. An uncomfortable conversation followed that statement. I am not positive who it was with, but I remember the conversation well:
Me: I really only want one more promotion, then I will be in good shape.
Someone: Until you get that promotion.
Me: No, I think I will be good
Someone: Until you get that job.
I got what they were saying, but thought they were wrong. Until I just found myself planning my next career move after just receiving that promotion that I was so sure would be good enough. It is possible that my heart may be pure in this matter and I am in a different place in my career now. That being said, it is best to examine my heart and pray asking God to reveal any sinfulness in this area. I know that I am not satisfied in the Lord nearly as much as I should be. I know I rely on my self far to much.
That being said, sitting down with some friends of our who are missionaries really opened my eyes to the reality that my money is to be used to further spread the gospel. The reason God would bless me is not simply to hoard the money, but to use it for his glory.
Being satisfied in the Lord is something we give lip service to but it is difficult in a culture where you are constantly being told what you need in the form of commercials. If we could only have the life they promise us. The fact is all those trinket will pass away and be trash at some point. Only the things that are eternal should be pursued to the degree we chase a better lifestyle. I want to be satisfied in the Lord but I don’t want to have to go through losing everything in order to learn that lesson.
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